All Part of the Festivities

The problem with prostituting yourself out for free hugs (or in my case, Organic Hugs) at a Hippie Festival is that you have to deal with some awkward situations. Situation #1: Some people are just bad huggers. There are the people that are too far away from you, and think that a hug is all in the arms. Everyone should know that a hug requires more than that. Other people break away too soon, and others hold the hug for a bit too long. Then there are the people that won't let you go when you try to break away. Hugging is a science, people, get it right. Situation #2: Girls with arm-pit hair. Luckily, I didn't have to deal with any of that this year. Situation #3: Smelly people. By the end of the day, I probably smelled like 50 different Whole Earth Festival-ers. Situation #4: The group of friends that shoves their friend towards me, daring them to give me a hug. I'm not that scary am I? Situation #5: The Creeper. This is the guy (it's always a guy who thinks he's being funny, or he's a closet queer, either one) who decides to feel me up when I'm giving him his hug. I mean rubbing his hands all down my backside. Sorry buddy, that's off-limits. And you aren't funny, even if your lame-O friends laugh. Situation #6: The Ultimate Hippie. Yes, you heard me, The Ultimate Hippie (he even gets his 'name' all capitalized). This is the guy who wears a tie-dye shirt, skirt, Jesus sandals, sports a long gray beard, purple circular glasses, Bob Marley cap and... the piece de resistance... a giant conch that is bigger than his face. If you run in to this guy and give him an Organic Hug (or probably any attention for that matter) he will proceed to thank you by blowing his conch shell right next to your stomach for a good thirty seconds, no exaggeration. I couldn't tell if it was awesome or awkward, but it was probably both at the same time.